Friday, January 22, 2016

A "Blood Relative" ...

There doesn't seem to be anyone around.
The beating of our hearts is the only sound.
Something has come back!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Mortal Kombat:Rebirth

Sure it's not a real movie, but aren't those sometimes the best movies? With the epic line of unsatisfactory remakes and rebirths and reimaginings coming into theaters(see The Wolfman, Robin Hood, Get Him to the Greek) it's nice to see a short film actually do justice to the franchise. Just look, the best Batman film is Dead End, and the best LotR is The Hunt for Gollum. Now, we get this.

We're back Bitches!

So what. We've taken 6 months off. Now we are trying to reinvigorate the website before we completely retrofit this golf cart and turn it into a beautiful butterfly.

We also plan to learn how to properly use a metaphor.

As our return we bring you a former fat man with bad teeth and poor acting skills who turned into a still-not-skinny yet smaller than John Popper man with bad teeth playing a thin man with an Asian. It's Green Hornet time!

Monday, January 25, 2010

"There's no plan B!"

A-Team Trailer hits ... With a BANG!

Friday, January 15, 2010

J.J. Abrams Talks: "CLOVERFIELD" Sequel Still in the Works

MTV Reports: ... on the progress of a "Cloverfield" sequel ... "We're working on something right now with that and again, you know, it's early stages." Said J. J. in an interview with Josh Horowitz.

J.J.'s been saying this sort of stuff since the original appeared in theaters January of 2008!

What is he waiting for? ...
Another 9/11 type incident to occur so that it can spur his imagination? Or, Sony's recent announcement of 3D theaters in which you won't have to wear those creepy glasses?

America's Monster, huh?
Maybe he'll announce that the monster will attack the theater and hand out video cams, so the viewing audience can film the event for themselves!

Whatever ... A whole slew of fans have become disgruntled over the whole "Cloverfield Sequel" thing, anyway. It has been a l-o-n-g time, and J.J. is a very busy man with the upcoming "Star Trek: 2/3D,""Mission Impossible: 4/3D," and "500 Rads: Handycam-meets-ZombieLand-possibly-shot-in-3D."

Stay alert! Something is bound to find us ... Again!

Friday, January 8, 2010

James Cameron Officially Announces AVATAR 2

James Cameron has confirmed what we all expected would be confirmed – what now that the film’s made a billion bucks, and overtaken “Demolition Man” as the most profitable film of all time – once the red laser dots disappeared from his chest, and his wallet started to feel heavier : “Avatar 2” is on the way.

Aint it Cool News reports that Cameron has a trilogy in mind – we knew that all along though, right? – with the first sequel already clearly in his sight. With the technology, and the “Avatar” universe already invented thematically and creatively, the filmmaker noted that the next two films will be much easier to make. The hard work has already been done.

Cameron mentioned recently that “Avatar 2” might not be set on Pandora, and might instead fix on one of the other surrounding planets. Being that he’s signed for three films in all, it’s likely Sam Worthington will be back as the Australican Blue-Dude, Jake Sully.

Question is, Will Cameron direct the film? Doubtful. He’s a guy that doesn’t like to repeat himself, and despite briefly toying with the idea of a “True Lies” sequel, also don’t seem to be a filmmaker too interested in sequels. I’d say he’ll go the George Lucas-route, and likely produce the next two films.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

"Can you make the speech bubbles more… edgy?"

Title via Clients From Hell.

10 Truths Black And Hispanic People Know, But White People Won't Admit:

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not White.
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 Truths White And Black People Know, But Hispanic People Won't Admit:

1. Hickey's are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.!
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family
10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 Truths White And Hispanic People Know, But Black People Won't Admit:

1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10.Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car

Guess this explains the new @LindsayLohan nude photos a bit, but not really.

AXB Enterprises

Racist. via Kuvaton

AXB Enterprises

The hottest tattoo I've ever seen. via DeviantArt

The 2009 Hollywood Black List has been released. The 11 unattached screenplays Hollywood wants to see made.

I'm jealous. I only know a couple Black people.

Now you can visually document your pornographic viewing history in Firefox. Or see where your kids are going I suppose.

Malls are dead, and this proves it.

Monday, September 21, 2009

''Let's see what happens next ...''

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Something is falling from the skies over New York City's Central Park.

Hells YEAH!!

Go-To PT No. 1:
What is there?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's DefenDOR. Like Inglourious Basterds, because misspelling is cool.

Woody Harrelson has a history of late of playing crazy people. 2012, Zombieland, and now Defendor. The upcoming 3 Doors Down music video turned film. As ridiculous as it seems, my Pedobear senses are tingling about Kat Dennings possibly playing a hooker, so I shall watch.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Quinton Jackson is BA Baracus, but who are the rest of the A-Team?

We've been floating the cast of the re-envisioned A-Team around in our heads all day. With the addition of Quinton "Rampage Jackson to the cast, it got us thinking. Yes, he also wears awkwardly large neckwear, but is he good enough? Personally we would have rather tacken Ving Rhames or even LL Cool J, but that is not the case. With rumors of Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson floating around we wanted to cast OUR dream before they confirm anything else.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

All Saints Day was rescheduled to October 30, 2009

It's about God damn time! Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day finally has a trailer, it's Red Band, and we have it.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Disney=Marvelous. $4 Billion in Marvelous


We all woke up to the news of Disney buying Marvel Enterprises for $4 Billion. This could mean a lot of things. has a series of interesting questions, so I borrow from them;

1. How will the deal affect Marvel Comics?

Marvel has always been known for publishing edgy material, so how will adult-oriented titles be affected by Disney's ownership? From old favorites like The Punisher to new and popular characters like Kick-Ass, Marvel has quite a few fan-favorite series firmly set in the mature-reader realm.

Will Disney's kid-friendly focus tolerate the violence and racy content that's a staple of so many Marvel products? Disney has already stated that one of its main reasons for buying Marvel was to improve its standing among males aged 8-18, so it will be interesting to see if the new "Mouse of Ideas" will tolerate one of its established characters strangling a villain with his own intestines (a la Frank Castle).

2. What will happen to Marvel Studios?

One of the most celebrated aspects of Marvel's upcoming slate of movies is that each and every film in the Marvel Studios lineup counted a host of comic book writers on its creative team. Many have trumpeted Marvel's in-house, "if you want it done right, do it yourself" sensibility as the main reason for the success of films like "Iron Man"—while Warner Brothers' ownership of DC is often cited as the main reason its properties have a tough time getting off the ground and onto the big screen (with the exception of Batman, of course).

Will Disney take a hands-off approach with Marvel Studios as they have (to some degree) with Pixar, or can we expect to see Disney making the calls when it comes to creative teams for Marvel's in-house movies?

3. How much will the Disney and Marvel worlds merge?

Along with the obvious concerns about Scrooge McDuck/Tony Stark crossovers in comics, there are more serious questions to be asked about how much Disney we'll see in the Marvel Universe, and vice versa. For example, will Mickey Mouse and Wolverine begin sharing space on merchandise? Will characters from each universe begin appearing in each other's video games and/or cartoons? At this point, anything is possible.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Friday, June 26, 2009

Get it? It's a social statement on oil dependency!

Daybreakers is an expanded scene from Blade turned into a political statement about the nation's dependency on foreign oil, starring Willem Defoe...I smell Oscar*!

*Only because they expanded it to 10 nominees though. That just means more shitty foreign films.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson takes first step to return in Zombie form

Bad news: Michael Jackosn is dead. Sure no reports have officially come down, but he is. Lets be serious. TMZ is reporting it so it must be true.

Good news: Jackson's collection of the Beatle's catalog gets relinquished to Sir Paul McCartney at the time of death.

This completes the Rule of 3. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Jackson. Which means David Carradine falls into the Dom Deluise triumvirate.

No...Sky Saxon, lead singer and founder of the 1960s band The Seeds does NOT count as a valid celebrity, so his death really is meaningless.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Kate Gosselin puts out...

We have been activly updating and expanding View from the Bathroom and neglecting you here at AXB Enterprises. Therefore as we can't find the remote and too lazy to get up and change the channel we are watching Jon & Kate Plus 8, we devote this post to the angry Milf that is Kate Gosselin. Born on March 28, 1975 she has 8 kids, so you know her frigid ass has put out at least twice. Enjoy.


Kate Gosselin










Fuck you. I know it's not as good as my posts on Gabrielle Atticus, Pixie, or even Katie from Katies World, but I work with what I've got.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Punch Out! is back on Wii

Nice little documentary on Little Mac and Punch Out! coming to the Wii

Thursday, May 7, 2009

AXB interviews Adam Rifkin


Rarely do I talk highly of a film. It takes a lot to impress me, but recently we here at AXB Enterprises got a chance to watch Look directed by Adam Rifkin, the Director of the new to DVD film Look.

Rifkin was involved in The Chase, Psycho Cop Returns, and has been linked to He Man and the Masters of the Universe. After watching this film I was HIGHTY impressed. A film set consisting of the security cameras that already watch us every day. Not to mention jailbait nudity within the first 2 minutes of the film.

You had us from hello Adam.

Look is out on DVD this week and Look:The Series is currently in devolpment. Go buy the DVD, and listen to our interview with Rifkin here on our Podcast.

Adam Rifkin talks to AXB Enterprises

Thursday, April 30, 2009

New G.I.Joe Trailer? Oi!

Official trailer to be released online at 4:30pm today. Trailer hits theaters with Start Trek next week.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Frontier of Dawn looks like it sucks

It's been amazingly slow with news for a long time, so I'm just posting filler from some shitty artsy film that may or may not be silent.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Told you Bitches "The Doctor" was Mindbender!

HissTank got ahold of toy images of Cobra Commander. I was gonna be pissed if they combined Cobra Commander with Dr. Mindbender. Now we wait for "The Voice."