Monday, February 26, 2007

It's Not The Burning That Gets Ya...It's The Itching

Funny thing about drugs is...they're addictive. Who knew? Do a little blow, maybe have anal sex with and then choke a 14 year old hooker to death in an alley for something to do. All really harmless fun, unless the hooker is your cousin. Which she was.

Oscars were last night. Unlike many generic blogs out there I chose not to Live Blog. While I thought of doing it, I could not because I didn't watch the Oscars. I did not watch because I was stuck in the bathroom all evening wiping blood from around my anus after my lastest hemorrhoid burst. Now this is not an unusual occurrence for a Sunday evening, but as I lay there in pain covered in my own blood and tears I thought to myself. I said; "AXB? Why haven't we watched The Departed as of yet?" I kindly told myself to "Shut your hole and keep wiping." I wasn't to be bothered you see. I has halfway through an article on Puff Daddy from 5 years ago I stole out of my neighbors trash.

The Departed did in fact all but sweep last night. I say "all but" because they only actually won like 4 awards, it just sounds cooler the first way I said it. The entire event went off without a boob falling out of anyone's dress, so I didn't miss anything really. I DID however afterwards look up all the female winners and see if they'd ever done nude scenes. THANKFULLY Helen Mirron, the 61 Year Old who won for The Queen has done a myriad of scenes over the years. I found this out thanks to Celebrity Movie Archive and looked at every single scene. I also found out thanks to Celebrity Sleuth that at last count her measurements were 38C-26-37. Love me some breasts, but only the extremely old, or extremely young varieties. If you too would like to gaze upon some big nippled action click the censored photo.

Obviously NSFW

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