Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Saving Grace for G.I.J.O.E.

Reports are coming in that despite sketchy castings, the people behind the G.I.Joe movie have made a HUGE step toward greatness.

Larry Hama has been added to production! More than likely he'll be a consultant, just to keep up with continuity, but to AXB Enterprises, Hama can do no wrong.

For those of you who are unaware, Larry Hama was all that was good about G.I.Joe.

Larry Hama is God

For Larry Hama's BEST series, visit his side project from G.I.Joe, Nth Man. You won't be disappointed. This is the series that should be getting shopped around for a film.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

G.I.J.O.E. Casting Complete?

IESB reports that Arnold Vosloo will play Zartan and David Murray will play Destro in the G.I.JOE film

Destro will be the main enemy in this film, as he is the elder arms dealer of MARS, and Cobra Commander will emerge as Rex. Personally, wouldn't Vosloo be better as Destro, and Murray as Zartan? I will go ahead and assume this is a typo.

Also added was Dennis Quaid as Hawk. These 3 will join a lightly put "Rag Tag" group of actors put together for this film. AXB Enterprsises is sceptical at best. Now we just need to see who's left. Dreadnoks are needed. You can't have Zartan without the 'noks.

GI Joe on IMDB

Full far


David Murray will play Destro
Sienna Miller as The Baroness
Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Rex
Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow
Arnold Vosloo as Zartan


Dennis Quaid as Hawk
Channing Tatum as Duke
Ray Park as Snake Eyes
Rachel Nichols as Scarlett
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Heavy Duty
Said Taghmaoui as Breaker
Marlon Wayans as Ripcord

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Untraceable website mocks me

So out of curiousity towards an otherwise dull movie, AXB Enterprises sent our office over to the "Kill With Me?" website to see if we could knock of some Thai teenager or light fire to a homeless person(Thanks HUD). Instead, we find the FBI has probably bugged our network.

Kill With Me?

Kill With Me?

In somewhat related news. We realized that the Tri-Fecta of Celebrity Death is complete for now. Starting at the bottom and working its way up.

Brad Renfro - January 15, 2008
Bobby Fischer - January 17, 2008
Heath Ledger - January 22, 2008

Who has the High Score in the Dead Pool? I've got Jason Mewes on March 14th.

Heath Ledger: Not getting any Stranger...

"Whatever doesn't kill you, just makes you...stranger."

Gripping line from The Dark Knight, but all too telling of Heath Ledger's fate.

Reader Buzz called AXB Enterprises directly to inform us of this unfortunate news.

Heath Ledger. Dead at 28.

AXB Enterprises

"According to the New York City Police Department, Ledger was found dead in his apartment in the SoHo neighborhood of Manhattan on January 22, 2008.

Sewell Chan of The New York Times writes:
"At 3:31 p.m., a masseuse arrived at Apartment 5A of 421 Broome Street in SoHo for an appointment with Ledger, the police said. The masseuse was let in to the home by a housekeeper, who then knocked on the door of Ledger’s bedroom. When no one answered, the housekeeper and the masseuse opened the bedroom and found Ledger unresponsive. They shook him, but he did not respond. They immediately called the authorities. The police said they did not suspect foul play and said they found pills near his body."

Story from Wikipedia. May be partially inaccurate.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Jason Hawkins is Duke....maybe


IGN is reporting that Mike Vogel of AXB Enterprises favorite Cloverfield has HIS name in the hat to play Dukein the upcoming live-action G.I. Joe movie.

IGN writes:

"The actor looked away nervously when pressed and didn't offer either a confirmation or a denial before our interview was abruptly cut off by a studio publicist."

One might assume that if Vogel wasn't up for the part, there would be no need for awkward silence or "no comments".

Why NOT throw another name in? Could be worse, they could have said that Philip Seymour Hoffman was up for it. Man I hate that guy

Friday, January 18, 2008's what you DON'T see

After collecting my thoughts I figured I should post something regarding Cloverfield. So here we go.

Overall I thought that it VERY accuretly portrayed normal people in a dire situation. From confusion to utter panic, it showed all the emotions from the point of view of the Comic Relief Hud;

"Those things came out of nowhere didn't they? What was that about?"

Death abound, and very few clear images of the monster, but clear when needed. I thought it was fantastic other than a few minor problems.

First off, the party scene was cut down a bit. No Yellowcard singer and no THIS girl.


Who is she? Could she be the Rasika Mathur I saw in the credits?

Also what you don't see is the utter destruction overtaking the city. You don't see it, because you wouldn't. Nobody would actually go TOWARD the Parasite to get good video. That's just ridiculous.

You also don't hear word one about Slusho, Targuato, or anything else from the Viral sites. I loved this aspect. It gave us who have been following the film a different perspective on it all. We know what he is Vice President of, and what the explosion is, and where this monster originated from and why.

The shaky cam caused some of the maybe a dozen AXB Enterprise employees and associates to feel a bit nauseous, but it was perfect for the feel. They weren't great shots, you didn't get to just follow the action. You felt like you WERE Hud.

My ONE gripe with the entire film? I wish that she wouldn't have said "I Love You" and it would have cut off beforehand.

Because I don't want to divulge anything more, or provide a huge review because there have already been so many, I say this in closing. Most of you out there will not understand nor enjoy this. I am not becoming Elitist, but I know of many who are coming into this film with a negative image, and therefore will not enjoy it no matter what. Take it for what it is, and see this film as a first hand account of destruction, and Armageddon in motion. AXB Enterprises gives this film a solid 8 out of 10. Will it win any awards? Perhaps cinematography and lighting, but that is all. Take it for what it is and you will enjoy it.

Now the game begins to find out what the audio was at the VERY end of the credits. Anyone?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

X Files Sequel...but where's the Lone Gunmen sequel?

Counting the hours until Cloverfield. 4 hours for until the private AXB Enterprises viewing. In lieu of this stretch of time, here is some news on the upcoming X-Files sequel.


Ten years after the first film and six years after the show went off the air, The X-Files returns to theaters with Fox Mulder, Dana Scully — and a lot riding on the bet that fans want more of the FBI's paranormal-investigating agents.

"We spent a lot of time on (the mythology) and wrapped up a lot of threads" when the show went off the air in 2002, says Chris Carter, creator of the series and director of the new movie. "We want a stand-alone movie, not a mythology conspiracy one."

Complete Story at USA Today

Friday, January 11, 2008

Harry Knowles knows what CLOVERFIELD is!!!

I used to hate Harry Knowles. A few years ago he became a sell out and for some time, just a bad writer. All that has changed in the past year or 2, and his site has maintained a level of excellence he had only acheived in it's first incarnation before the ads. Harry got to go see Cloverfield, and his verdict???

"Utterly Brilliant."

"CLOVERFIELD is a bold genre-reinvention unlike anything we’ve ever seen before."

"The movie is fucking brilliant. It’s what we were told it was going to be. An intimate perspective on an impossibly grand scale human disaster beyond most human levels of comprehension."

"What is the monster? How do you describe something that doesn’t look like anything you’ve ever seen before? It’s not a fucking upright walking whale. It doesn’t look like any iteration of GODZILLA that we’ve ever seen. It is enormous. And even though I’ve seen it… I am hard-pressed to come up with a comparative creation. You know that big fucking thing in THE MIST? It isn’t that. Is the creature a biped? I’m not sure, I think it might’ve been a four-legged beastie… it has a tail, it has teeth and freaky eyes like that horse that died in ANIMAL HOUSE. It’s kinda of a grayish-yellowish-off-white looking thing. But more important than the creature is what this fucker does. He basically goes bug-nuts. "

"Like SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, but instead of Nazis it’s a giant monster."

"It is all at once art, commercial and grotesquely gleefully gargantuan."

"It is just that fucking good! And the flaming hobos... holy fuck man... flaming hobos, but not with shotguns!"

These are just a few of his comments. For the COMPLETE Review, check out Aint It Cool News

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Tentacles....not QUITE Testicles, but pretty damn close

Sure it's been posted on other sites already, but AXB Enteprises had to wait until an English version of the trailer was uploaded before we would comment.

Is that a Tentacle?


There is also a scene later in the footage of what seems to be a head emerging from the water, but without clear footage it's just not worthwhile to post.


We already posted the foreign language news stories based around Cloverfield in a previous post, but now for your viewing pleasure is the news story in a REAL language. American.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

G.I. Joe Updates DIRECTLY from Lorenzo di Bonaventura

IESB sat down with Lorenzo di Bonaventura recently to discuss the RAPIDLY evolving G.I. Joe live action film set for 2009. We've got a synopsis.

Just yesterday the announcement was made that Marlon Wayans would be in the film, and this upset me more than I could describe, so I didn't mention it. I feel a bit better after this discussion.

“IESB: Let's go to the most recent announcement that kind of surprised a lot of people. Wallace Weems, Ripcord, played by Marlon Wayans. Tell me that he nailed the audition because it's so out of the box here.

LDB: Well, let's talk about Marlon for a second. A lot of people are fans of his from the comedic point of view obviously for all the right reasons, but what I think everybody forgets about is how damn good he was in Requiem for a Dream as an actor.”

Somehow I forgot about "Ass to Ass" and his actual credibility. Also, discussions arose about the changes they've been alledgedly making.

“LDB: Well, I'm not going to spoil anything and that's a spoiler I think my friend (laughs) so let me say it this way…we are seeing a lot of G.I. Joe experts and we are content with following the information that we find.”

Casting rumors daily, and shooting beginning in 5 weeks. It's about time we got some SERIOUS character announcements.

“LDB: I would say within the next two weeks both Destro and Hawk will be cast…and I would say to you that there's already been an announcement of a guy we're in negotiations with who would play one of the villains…”


“LDB: Zartan will be in the film.

IESB: Are we also two weeks away from knowing who is playing Zartan?

LDB: Zartan is probably within the next week, week and a half. We know who it is, we are just negotiating right now.”

We'll keep you updated on all casting announcements.

G.I.J.O.E???? Brussels???

“LDB: Ok, let me be really clear on this point. G.I. Joe headquarters in the comic book is based in the Pit. As in the comic book, you don't know where the location of the Pit is. So, the idea that it's based in Brussels is false, the idea that it is a European base or an international kind of organization is false. It is the G.I. Joe Organization.”

For the complete interview check out IESB's ALMOST legitimate

JJ Abrams and his Think Tank of super evolved dolphins have added one more toy to the Cloverfield Viral Marketing Machine. These Newscasts have been released showing the destruction of the Targuato drilling station and release of the Cloverfield Monster.

For the complete story and Translations check out Slashfilm

Friday, January 4, 2008

Cloverfield...still missing you Rob.

Because of the lack of information within the past few weeks we've decided to once again go over the Teaser Trailer for information we might have missed when we went Frame-by-Frame the last 100 times. Here's what we found.

Who's Chubby Uncle is this on the left, and how did he get invited? $20 says this delicious little morsel gets eaten first.

AXB Enterprises

Did we ever find out who these pictures are of? I see 2 Scott Baios and a Charleton Heston.

AXB Enterprises

A party doesn't start until a 1930's G-Man gets there. That's what I always say...always

AXB Enterprises

Yes please. Someone find out who this girl is. Anyone.

AXB Enterprises

"...he's like your main dude?" Wait. Is that a Dinosaur????

AXB Enterprises

ARMAGGEDDON!!! Free Pole Dances All Around!

AXB Enterprises

"Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth." Stop Looking At Me Lady Liberty!!!

Why are your eyes so cold, dead, and CGI?


Thursday, January 3, 2008

Free Preview of The Sarah Connor Chronicles

In anticipation of the two-night premiere of TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES Sunday, Jan. 13 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) and Monday, Jan. 14 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT), FOX will offer fans a one-time-only preview of the pilot episode of the new Warner Bros. Television series exclusively on Yahoo!

The commercial-free preview of TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES will be available for free streaming on Yahoo! for a 24-hour period beginning Friday, Jan. 4 at 9:00 PM PT/Midnight ET.