Monday, June 30, 2008

James Bond rode a Vespa.....giggle

The new trailer for Quantum of Solace is out, and is just as exciting as you'd expect. Apparently Bond is lost in the desert wearing a tuxedo and some sort of semi automatic weapon. Been there. The one redeeming factor once again, is Olga Kurylenko. Stay tuned after the trailer for the good stuff.




A list of all the movies Olga Kurylenko has been nude of and pictures? Here you go.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Top 3 Comic Books that NEED to be Movies

1. Preacher - written by Garth Ennis

AXB Enterprises

Hi, I'm Jesse Custer. I was possessed by the offspring of an Angel and a Demon. I can cause you to shove your head up your own ass just by telling you to. I'm joined by an Irish Vampire Alcoholic. Along my journey I will fight the Grim Reaper who just so happens to be an old west gunfighter. Did I mention Arseface?

Make this movie. Make it now.



2. Nth Man - written by Larry Hama

AXB Enterprises

Nth Man is a comic book about an American ninja in World War III. Challenge that premise alone. Russians, Muties, Clowns, and Ninjas. Plus written by Larry Hama and described by himself as his favorite work? Easy choice.



3. Marvel 1602 - written by Neil Gaiman

AXB Enterprises

Setting the Marvel Universe 400 years early was a stroke of genius by Gaiman. Putting all the characters we are used to in the Elizabethan era and situations of the time. Featuring Spiderman, the X-Men, Captain America, Fantastic Four, Doctor Doom, and everyone else you know and love. The imagery alone would be worth the price of admission, and the story could finally legitimize comic book movies with an Oscar (Not counting Dick Tracy).

Damn You Brendan Fraser!!!!

I've been watching a LOT of MTVHits lately on my cable, and I've gotta say that I'm not impressed. Simple reviews before I get to business.

Tokio Hotel - The Rasmus if Lauri was a girl.

Metro Station - TAKE OFF THE RED PANTS!!!! "Shake It" it is a fun song, but the only redeeming factor is that one of the singers is Miley Cyrus' brother.

Tyga - Nice tattoos. You put the lime in the coconut? Got it. Then straight whiskey????


Back to MTV. Brendan Fraser showed up on set to promote Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D and that raskly reporter threw in a G.I.Joe question. Good girl, I think I love you.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Vern Troyer Sex Tape. Yes, I said it.

FINALLY Vern Troyer has a sex tape with an awkward Frida Kahlo looking hooker. It might be the creepiest thing I've ever seen. Will I watch it when it's released? Yes...yes of course.

Click the picture for a link to the glorious TMZ to watch the clip. You can't go back. Just a warning.

AXB Enterprises

No doubt in my mind he's going to eat that girl. No pun intended, he's clearly an Ugnaut. In related news, who knew that Vern Troyer has the worlds smallest tattoos ever created.??




Now, AXB Enterprises presents the Top Ten sexually implicit Vern Troyer movie quotes.



10. "Doing stunt work is risky, but it's something I enjoy."

9. "We were doing the dance routine and I dislocated my knee."

8. "I think it was a good challenge for me to get my reactions across without being able to speak."

7. "I've done approximately 15 films, and most of the things I've done have either been stunt or costume work."

6. "There aren't too many people who can actually double me, so I do most of my stunts ..."

5. "What I really enjoy the most is seeing what the crowd likes. I enjoy making people laugh."

4. "It's a movie. It's entertainment. If other little people feel like they're being offended, it doesn't offend me, so just take it as it is."

3. "In the film, I'm not very mobile, like in the space suit."

2. "I've played a baby panda bear to a gorilla to an alien..."

1. "In high school and college all my friends and my brother wrestled."


AXB Enterprises

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

An Oedipal tale from Rob Zombie

Tyrannosaurus Rex - 51% Motherfucker, 49% Son of a Bitch. Now, I'm not sure where this is actually legal, but perhaps an incestual ass kicker will test good in the Catskills. Why go across the street when you can go across the hall???

Photobucket


Awesome.

Unfortunately it does not contain Werewolves, Nazis, or Nicholas Cage.....yet.


Image and story from ShockTilYouDrop

Fast & Furious: 4Play

The 2009 film based in the Fast and the Furious franchise, tentatively entitled "Fast and Furious", has been under speculation and rumor for a long time. Is Vin Diesel in it? Is Paul Walker breaking away from some other Asstastic role to return? Will Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster be topless together in a shower scene?

At least 2 of these questions are a resounding yes. Hopefully the 3rd will make it to the DVD.

Set between 2 Fast 2 Furious and Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift the story just might explain the origin of Vin with Han, might make Paul Walker reflect on himself and his past, or it just might contain lots of driving and stopping, and then subsequently driving again. Dialogue inserted for dramatic effect.


Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Ha!

A new poster has surfaced from the Dark Knight people. Despite growing weary of the Vote for Harvey Dent viral, I do enjoy some good Joker action.


AXB Enterprises


I am pleased that they aren't trying to downplay Heath Ledger's role. Yes the man is no longer with us, but let this be his swan song.

Film1.nl has posted 2 more pictures of the new G.I.Joe posters featuring "Rise of Cobra".

AXB Enterprises

AXB Enterprises


What? No love for Ripcord this time around????? Personally, "Cobra - The Enemy" would have been bad ass.

Monday, June 23, 2008

G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra???

A new Teaser Poster from the Cinema EXPO in Amsterdam shows what COULD be the title of the G.I.Joe live action film. Perhaps it's just a foreign translation gone bad? We shall see at JoeCon 2008 won't we? If not there we can wait for San Diego.

AXB Enterprises

Thanks to HissTank for the heads up

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits, and Death

The 7 Deadly Words. Don't speak, don't write, don't publish. In honor of George Carlin I will write these words once, and once only on this site.

George Carlin died of heart failure Sunday June 23 at 71. George, you will be missed.

AXB Enterprises


George Carlin 1937 – 2008


"In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See?" Religion is Bullshit - George Carlin, 1978

Cobra Commander makes prediction about G.I.Joe: The Movie

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Death Race Trailer...clearly smart to put convicts with whores

Death Race


I'll take that a race across the USA takes place.

Death Race



I'll take the fact it features the nations worst convicts.

Death Race


I can accept that it was started and run by a woman.

Death Race



The one thing I can NOT understand, and that is why they would load a small car full of ammo and a convict...

Death Race


...and apparently the inhabitants of the HOTTEST women's prison of all time.

Death Race


On second thought, I'll take it and be happy. Here's the trailer.





As an added bonus, here is a link of the race promoter Joan Allen nude.

Celebrity Movie Archive

First Footage of Two Face. Just like we told you

AXB Enterprises saw test footage of the Two Face footage from The Dark Knight MONTHS ago, and we revealed what we had seen. Now, the first official footage release is online as part of the Why So Serious viral campaign.

Just click here for the video.

Photobucket

Click HERE for how we described it to you a month ago.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Death Race Photos show faulty wiring

/Film was nice enough to release new photos from Death Race featuring action shots, and belly buttons!

Clearly the manufacturer installed the stereo wrong, because it's not supposed to smoke like that. He just bought that Best of Klymaxx cd too.

“Death

Yes, I can see it's got low mileage, but my wife needs something for work, hows the MPG?

“Death

Once again kids, do NOT drop your roach clip into the Port-A-Potty after hot boxing the handicapped toilet.

“Death

Action.

“Death

Action!

“Death

ACTION!!!!!!

“Death

.....Cal.....

“Death

While picking up relatives from the County Jail, remember to smile. They've had it rough in there.

“Death

Once again, the add on features are lovely, but how is the MPG????

“Death

Monday, June 2, 2008

Renessa Williams is this week's Pixie Acia

Pixie Acia used to hold a special place in our offices, but she has been dethroned. The current infatuation among the AXB Enterprises staff is Renessa Williams of Work Out. She's blond, horny, and not so bright...our kinda woman.

Formerly of Onida, SD she now trains at Sky Sport & Spa.



Renessa Williams is 29 years old.


Photobucket

Renessa is a MILF, as she has a 11 year old daughter with her in L.A.


 AXB Enterprises

Height: 5’3”
Weight: 106 lbs
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue Phone: xxx.xxx.xxxx
Email: xxxxxxxxxx@aol.com

AXB Enterprises

FILM Credits

Moment Of Weakness Lead
The Karaoke Tour Lead
The Owl and the Pussycat Lead
Broken Ring Lead
The Wrath of Dog Supporting


 AXB Enterprises

TV Credits
Workout Co-starring
Rip Rap Entertainment TV Stormy
7 Lives Exposed Featured Party Goer
What I Like About You Waitress
American Dreams Featured Catholic School Girl
Legally Blonde (TV Pilot) Librarian
Scrubs Featured Various
Friends Central Perk Waitress
Boston Public High School Student
Big Shot Featured Bikini Girl

 AXB Enterprises

Speaks MULTIPLE dialects: British, Irish, European, Australian, Southern, New York, Cockney, Midwestern.

 AXB Enterprises

NASM Certified Personal Fitness Trainer, Certified Group Fitness Instructor

 AXB Enterprises

myspace.com/renessawilliams

AXB Enterprises


After high school, Renessa attended Southeast Technical Institute before transferring to South Dakota State University.

 AXB Enterprises


Previous Locations for Renessa Williams:
28 in Los Angeles, CA
5 in Sioux Falls, SD
4 in Inglewood, CA
3 in Pasadena, CA
2 in North Hollywood, CA


 AXB Enterprises


We found MUCH more information regarding our favorite trainer. She may not be Peelerbilt, but she's got a vagina so she wins.


Read more about Renessa at the Bravo homepage