Saturday, December 12, 2009

"Can you make the speech bubbles more… edgy?"

Title via Clients From Hell.



10 Truths Black And Hispanic People Know, But White People Won't Admit:

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not White.
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 Truths White And Black People Know, But Hispanic People Won't Admit:

1. Hickey's are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.!
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family
10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.


10 Truths White And Hispanic People Know, But Black People Won't Admit:

1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10.Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car

Guess this explains the new @LindsayLohan nude photos a bit, but not really.




AXB Enterprises

Racist. via Kuvaton

AXB Enterprises

The hottest tattoo I've ever seen. via DeviantArt






The 2009 Hollywood Black List has been released. The 11 unattached screenplays Hollywood wants to see made.


I'm jealous. I only know a couple Black people.


Now you can visually document your pornographic viewing history in Firefox. Or see where your kids are going I suppose.


Malls are dead, and this proves it.

Monday, September 21, 2009

''Let's see what happens next ...''

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

FOUND!











Something is falling from the skies over New York City's Central Park.
0:26

Hells YEAH!!


Go-To PT No. 1:
What is there?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's DefenDOR. Like Inglourious Basterds, because misspelling is cool.

Woody Harrelson has a history of late of playing crazy people. 2012, Zombieland, and now Defendor. The upcoming 3 Doors Down music video turned film. As ridiculous as it seems, my Pedobear senses are tingling about Kat Dennings possibly playing a hooker, so I shall watch.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Quinton Jackson is BA Baracus, but who are the rest of the A-Team?

We've been floating the cast of the re-envisioned A-Team around in our heads all day. With the addition of Quinton "Rampage Jackson to the cast, it got us thinking. Yes, he also wears awkwardly large neckwear, but is he good enough? Personally we would have rather tacken Ving Rhames or even LL Cool J, but that is not the case. With rumors of Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson floating around we wanted to cast OUR dream before they confirm anything else.

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Thursday, September 3, 2009

All Saints Day was rescheduled to October 30, 2009

It's about God damn time! Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day finally has a trailer, it's Red Band, and we have it.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Disney=Marvelous. $4 Billion in Marvelous

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We all woke up to the news of Disney buying Marvel Enterprises for $4 Billion. This could mean a lot of things. MTV.com has a series of interesting questions, so I borrow from them;

1. How will the deal affect Marvel Comics?

Marvel has always been known for publishing edgy material, so how will adult-oriented titles be affected by Disney's ownership? From old favorites like The Punisher to new and popular characters like Kick-Ass, Marvel has quite a few fan-favorite series firmly set in the mature-reader realm.

Will Disney's kid-friendly focus tolerate the violence and racy content that's a staple of so many Marvel products? Disney has already stated that one of its main reasons for buying Marvel was to improve its standing among males aged 8-18, so it will be interesting to see if the new "Mouse of Ideas" will tolerate one of its established characters strangling a villain with his own intestines (a la Frank Castle).

2. What will happen to Marvel Studios?

One of the most celebrated aspects of Marvel's upcoming slate of movies is that each and every film in the Marvel Studios lineup counted a host of comic book writers on its creative team. Many have trumpeted Marvel's in-house, "if you want it done right, do it yourself" sensibility as the main reason for the success of films like "Iron Man"—while Warner Brothers' ownership of DC is often cited as the main reason its properties have a tough time getting off the ground and onto the big screen (with the exception of Batman, of course).

Will Disney take a hands-off approach with Marvel Studios as they have (to some degree) with Pixar, or can we expect to see Disney making the calls when it comes to creative teams for Marvel's in-house movies?

3. How much will the Disney and Marvel worlds merge?

Along with the obvious concerns about Scrooge McDuck/Tony Stark crossovers in comics, there are more serious questions to be asked about how much Disney we'll see in the Marvel Universe, and vice versa. For example, will Mickey Mouse and Wolverine begin sharing space on merchandise? Will characters from each universe begin appearing in each other's video games and/or cartoons? At this point, anything is possible.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Friday, June 26, 2009

Get it? It's a social statement on oil dependency!

Daybreakers is an expanded scene from Blade turned into a political statement about the nation's dependency on foreign oil, starring Willem Defoe...I smell Oscar*!




*Only because they expanded it to 10 nominees though. That just means more shitty foreign films.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson takes first step to return in Zombie form

Bad news: Michael Jackosn is dead. Sure no reports have officially come down, but he is. Lets be serious. TMZ is reporting it so it must be true.

Good news: Jackson's collection of the Beatle's catalog gets relinquished to Sir Paul McCartney at the time of death.





This completes the Rule of 3. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Jackson. Which means David Carradine falls into the Dom Deluise triumvirate.

No...Sky Saxon, lead singer and founder of the 1960s band The Seeds does NOT count as a valid celebrity, so his death really is meaningless.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Kate Gosselin puts out...

We have been activly updating and expanding View from the Bathroom and neglecting you here at AXB Enterprises. Therefore as we can't find the remote and too lazy to get up and change the channel we are watching Jon & Kate Plus 8, we devote this post to the angry Milf that is Kate Gosselin. Born on March 28, 1975 she has 8 kids, so you know her frigid ass has put out at least twice. Enjoy.

Kate

Kate Gosselin

Kate

Kate

Kate

Kate

Kate

Kate

Kate

Kate

Kate





Fuck you. I know it's not as good as my posts on Gabrielle Atticus, Pixie, or even Katie from Katies World, but I work with what I've got.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Punch Out! is back on Wii

Nice little documentary on Little Mac and Punch Out! coming to the Wii

Thursday, May 7, 2009

AXB interviews Adam Rifkin

Look




Rarely do I talk highly of a film. It takes a lot to impress me, but recently we here at AXB Enterprises got a chance to watch Look directed by Adam Rifkin, the Director of the new to DVD film Look.





Rifkin was involved in The Chase, Psycho Cop Returns, and has been linked to He Man and the Masters of the Universe. After watching this film I was HIGHTY impressed. A film set consisting of the security cameras that already watch us every day. Not to mention jailbait nudity within the first 2 minutes of the film.

You had us from hello Adam.

Look is out on DVD this week and Look:The Series is currently in devolpment. Go buy the DVD, and listen to our interview with Rifkin here on our Podcast.



Adam Rifkin talks to AXB Enterprises




Thursday, April 30, 2009

New G.I.Joe Trailer? Oi!

Official trailer to be released online at 4:30pm today. Trailer hits theaters with Start Trek next week.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Frontier of Dawn looks like it sucks

It's been amazingly slow with news for a long time, so I'm just posting filler from some shitty artsy film that may or may not be silent.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Told you Bitches "The Doctor" was Mindbender!

HissTank got ahold of toy images of Cobra Commander. I was gonna be pissed if they combined Cobra Commander with Dr. Mindbender. Now we wait for "The Voice."


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Greatest killing spree scene of all time?

Something like a Grindhouse Pulp Fiction...who cares? The Punisher is killing people. LOTS of people.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Public Enemy trailer says what we've all been thinking.

There is absolutely nothing ANY of us want to do in Indiana.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Terminator:Salvation Trailer features hazing.

What we got from it? Marcus Wright has a small penis...this makes him very angry.

Another item. You can actually see when the lighting guy walks on the set in the motorcycle scene. Look close.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Wolverine Origins: James Howlett

Yes, Wolverine has bone claws. No, they didn't add them in just for the movie.

Yes he was born in the 19th Century. No, they hopefully won't make it 19th Century America.

Yes, they seem to have grown since puberty. He's a Grower not a Shower!



Lesbian Vampire Killers tainted with the addition of more British accent

LEsbian.Vampire.Killers....In Theatres Soon.

That is all they needed to say and I would be at the Midnight Showing. Now that I have proof there will be that damned accent throughout I may not even BitTorrent it.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Here's a Pitch for you!

Scene: Industry Office. Mid Day, just after lunch at Koi.

Larry: We haven't been doing enough remakes lately. Anything that hasn't been touched in about 10 years?

Dave: Pelham One Two Three had a tv movie in the 90's, but nobody likes Edward James Olmos so its ok.

Larry: Green Light it! Is there any way we can make it and cast the villian from Swordfish and the cop character from Bone Collector?

Dave: You mean Denzel and Travolta?

Larry: Nope, the actual characters.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Run! Jump! Climb! Oh, Jake! - On again/Off again/On Again! Production of "Prince of Persia" Continues!!

Prince of Persia fans will be delighted to know that the production is on again!


Jake Gyllenhaal stars as Prince Dastan in the Disney production of the popular video game series created by Jordon Mechner.










Photos from the set have started leaking all over the Internet, bringing the excitement level of the film up quite a notch.

The film also stars Ben Kingsly and Gemma Arterton and will follow The Sands of Time.










Gnatzi? Nahtsy? Who cares, they're scalping people!

Inglorious - "not bringing honor and glory"
Basterd - "Not a real word in the English language, but who gives a shit?"



Basterd

Sunday, February 1, 2009

FINALLY!!! A G.I.Joe Trailer!!!

Coming Soon got access to an exclusive view of the new G.I.Joe Trailer, and after all the wait and we are very pleased. Very, very pleased.



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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

NBS Nightly News with Ted Philips, March 11th 1970

Cloverfield got it. The Dark Knight got it. Watchmen understands it. Even that goddamn Poughkeepsie Tapes got it. Viral marketing is the KEY. Where you at G.I.Joe?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The World Needs Its Heroes Back!

We REALLY need our Heroes back. Not in the Watchmen perspective, but just the tv show. A season that doesn't blow ass at least. Mohinder is worthless and Claire keeps her clothes on too much. We need to change that.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Crank...that Soulja Boy!

It's been a slow few months really. All I have to look forward to is the Superbowl. Not because the teams mean a damned thing to me, but because of the Rise of Cobra and Revenge of the Fallen trailers that are due to appear within.

Despite a complete lack of information from both camps, we DO have some Crank 2 action!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Franklyn. Like Benjymn Franklyn, but at a sex party

Franklyn has many things working against it, but let's go down a list.

Pro: Fetish Masks
Con: Ryan Phillipe
Pro: Top Hats
Con: Ryan Phillipe
Pro: Guns
Con: Ryan Phillipe
Pro: Random Actress who may be topless at some point.
Con: Ryan Phillipe




AXB Enterprises

Fast. Furious. Flamboyantly Parkour.

Bourne Furious? Bourne Fast?

How is it that I despise Daniel Craig and the "James Bourne" franchise, but when the Fast/Furious franchise does it we here find it endearing and exciting? Because Vin Diesel is dreamy. That's why.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

TAG ... You're it! -- Fans Obsessed With Cloverfield Sequel.



"IT HAS BEGUN"

No Further Explanation.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Chun Li in English....because we speak English.

FINALLY The Legend of Chun Li is in English thanks to IGN, but really. Did we prefer it in Laotian? Perhaps perhaps perhaps.